You've Had Too Much COFFEE When....

• You ski uphill.
• You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
• You speed walk in your sleep.
• You answer the door before people knock.
• Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
• You have a bumper sticker that reads: Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.
• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
• You sleep with your eyes open.
• You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• You lick your coffee pot clean.
• You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.
• You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You chew on other people's fingernails.
• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• All your kids are named "Joe"
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
• You buy Half & Half by the barrel.
• You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
• You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
• You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
• You don't sweat, you percolate.
• You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
• The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
• Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
• You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
• People can test their batteries in your ears.
• Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
• You channel surf faster without a remote.
• When someone asks, "How are you", you say, "Good to the last drop."
• You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.
• You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
• You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
• You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
• You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar"
• Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
• Your 3 favorite things in life are:  coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
• You can't even remember your second cup.
• You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
• Your Thermos is on wheels.
• You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
• You introduce your spouse as your "Coffee Mate"
• Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup.
• You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
• You help your dog chase its tail.
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You short out motion detectors.
• You have a conniption over spilled milk.
• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
• You don't tan, you roast.
• You don't get mad, you get steamed.
• Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
• You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."